Episode #323: Finding & Fostering Health-Minded Friendships

Intro:

Welcome to The Healthy Catholic moms podcast where we make moving and nourishing our bodies the priority, so that we not only fulfill our vocations, but excel in our callings. I’m Brittany Pearson, a Catholic wife, mom, personal trainer, and I’m here to help you build healthy habits that actually fit your life. I am here to teach you how to get the results that you want and maintain the results that you want. Without spending hours at the gym, or meal prepping all weekend long. I understand I am right here with you getting my workouts done in the nooks and crannies of time, looking up recipes, while nursing babies and trying to prioritize my own health amidst everything else going on. But I have really good news for you, you can get the results you want. In less time without doing hours of cardio and restrictive dieting. I’m going to teach you how to use strength training and eating in a macro balanced way to get you feeling so good and your skin full of energy, and strong to carry out your life. Okay, on this podcast, we’ll delve into how to lose fat in a simple, sustainable way. What your workouts and nutrition should look like during different seasons of life, like during pregnancy and postpartum times. We’ll also discuss healthy quick meals, and how to get them on the table make foods that kids will actually want to eat, mom hacks for making your day run more smoothly, and so much more. All the while with continuous encouragement to stay the course and live with discipline. This is a place where we’re striving to steward our bodies. Well, in order to joyfully serve. I am so happy you’re here. Let’s dive in

Main Episode:

What is going on friends, I hope you’re having a wonderful day, wherever you are listening to this podcast. Thank you so much for pressing play and for hanging out with me today. And we’re gonna dive right in, I want to make it worth your time. As always, if you’re new around here wondering maybe what programs I could offer you what might be a good fit for you. It’s actually really applicable today. If you’re looking for healthy friends, I can be your healthy friend. And there’s a whole beautiful community of women in the healthy Catholic moms community and even more specifically in our chasing green is monthly group that are a great like minded group of women. But to head over to healthy Catholic moms.com If you want any more information on that kind of thing, so just want to get right into it today. So we are talking about what to do when maybe you were the healthy friend and you don’t really have any other healthy friends or what that might look like. And there’s a lot of sides to this discussion. I think there’s a lot of ways to look at things. Because when I see certain things that go around on the internet, like, you know, cutting toxic people out of your life or this and that this is not the exact same thing. We’re not talking about toxic friendships or things but what I always think about when I see something like that is like well, how do you know you’re also not the toxic friend or, like, I especially hate I know, everyone also loves to throw the term toxic out for everything like Well, are they just negative? Or are they like a toxic person? I don’t know, there’s a lot of gray area there. But another one I’ve seen circulating is like,
you know, this, I saw a lot in the height of COVID. Like pay attention to who’s checking in on you because those are true friends. And I sat there thinking like, Okay, you better hope all your friends are not doing that to you. Because you’re sitting there waiting for them to check in on you and they’re sitting there waiting for you to chicken. It’s like that is a losing battle that is like sounds like a bad marriage where two spouses are waiting for the other one to treat them as they want to be treated. It’s like somebody’s got to step up and do it here people and like you gotta also realize that sometimes people have a lot going on in their lives and they’re not sitting there unfortunately thinking about one last time they texted their friend was so friendships are funny friendships can be tough.
But I think there’s such a like, drop it like it’s hot mentality out there of like this person isn’t serving you let him go do this. Let them go. So what we’re talking about this today, I’m going to try to give some practical tips and tricks here. And the first thing I’m going to say is you don’t have to let all your unhealthy friends go. Okay, I have been like, life is bigger than just our own little circles, just our own little spheres here. And we need to realize that and open up you know our minds and our eyes to things like probably you’re involved in a couple different friend groups. You might be that like in some different groups I am maybe like the only, quote unquote healthier one or the person who’s seems to be actively striving for health like works out regularly watches what they eat in that kind of thing or like more more often opts for the healthy option, that kind of thing. There are certain groups where I truly am the only one does it mean that I like this as a bad influence. I’m going to end up like all of them so I gotta like leave this little friend group. No, absolutely not. There’s we’ll start here.
Okay, we’ll start in this conversation where if you are the only healthy ish person in your group, you can just do your own thing. Like, you really don’t have to talk about it all the time. You don’t have to try to convert everybody to your way of life, you can just live. And you know, your example is there where it doesn’t have to push you there. So a way to do this in a good way and a way to do some bad way, say you are the only healthy friend, you go camping for a weekend, I’m just setting up the scenario with a group of like four or five other women who are not really health minded or health conscious. Instead of being like, oh, no, I can’t have that because I would feel terrible later or
no, that won’t help me reach my goals, or Oh, I’m getting up early tomorrow. Anyone want to exercise with me? Like you could maybe suggest, you know, invite people into a workout. That one would maybe be okay, depending on the way you’re presenting it. But Leno, everybody’s going kayaking, well, that’s active anyway, say everybody’s going to the beach. And you’re like, Well, I have to get in my three mile run first, like, there’s a way to do things. And there’s a way not to do things. And we don’t want to be the person that turns other people off to a healthy lifestyle. So in those scenarios, like you could also I’ve been in that kind of scenario, not the exact camping scenario of where you’re like, wait a second, I went camping with you, no, no, made up that scenario. But I’ve been in situations where I am the only like, health conscious person, and I just quietly do my own thing. Sometimes other people comment, like, Oh, look at Brittany picking the healthier choice, and we all got pizza or whatever. And I’ll just like laugh and be like, Ah, it’s what sounded good today, like and then move on. You know, you don’t have to justify it, you don’t have to dwell on it. A lot of times, if people are self conscious about their own choices, they will point out your choices. And maybe they kind of mean it as a compliment. And those kinds of things like they’re your friends, you’re gonna hope it’s not mean spirited, it’s usually because they’re a little uncomfortable in their own choices. So in that scenario, like just, you do you and you’re obviously friends with these people for a reason and commonalities other than health. It’s also nice to like, have these kinds of people that you might be the only person that they like regularly see, and if you know they get the steering Tiller wanna make healthy changes, you’re gonna be the person they go to, you know, so it’s all good. You don’t we get really in this like APA, Bernie, a while back, I recorded the episode, like you’re the sum of your five closest influences, which research is shown in quotes have backed up and all these things. Or maybe the other way around quotes have said, and research has backed up those quotes. But
like, it doesn’t mean you have to spend every waking moment with these people, right? Because that’s true. If there’s like the five closest people to you ate like crap all day, every day, stayed up really late, didn’t get any sleep, never moved their bodies and wanted you to do the same. That’s either you’re either gonna get so frustrated and ticked off by that eventually, or it’s going to start rubbing off on you or the other way around. Like, maybe you’ll start rubbing off on them. But that’s kind of hard if it’s like four to one. So assuming these people are not like your very closest you see every day, just you live your life. Don’t make a big show of it. Don’t make a big deal about it. But then you’re there if they want to talk to you about something like that’s how I feel like, you know, we strive to be in some scenarios where we’re the only religious people and it’s like, are we gonna just totally cut out that circle or not be friends, like, to a point maybe when you know, if things came to a moral head for us or something, then sure. And that Crossroads has come before and maybe has come for you. But if like it’s just a casual acquaintances, people who see sometimes you’re gonna be the person then they go to if they get, this is what we hope anyway. And it has been true for us where the person they call when they want purse for something, you know, they’re like, Oh, can you I know you’re praying person, can you pray for me? You know? Or can you help me through this time, like, that’s, it’s good to be the good influence in people’s lives as well. So first and foremost, before you try to force healthy friendships or whatever, don’t be afraid to just keep rockin what you’ve got going on. You don’t have to alter it. You don’t have to bring other people to it, just kind of do what you’re doing. Okay. But secondly, if you do want to open the door to more physically active friendships, I think a great place to start is is with the friends you already have that you know that door is not closed, like
friends that you you know that they actually are more active, but you don’t ever really hang out in an active way. I’m gonna give you an example to make this make more sense. You just be the person to invite them to do something active. So I have a couple friends like this, who this was several years ago, where we were kind of just in ruts. It was separate friends. This was not like a group of friends. It was two or three ladies that I was and still am friends with. And I knew that they worked out regularly. I knew they ate healthily we’d like chat about it sometimes. But anytime we were together. It was just like to go out to dinner or to go sit somewhere like there was always just a lot of sitting and stuff. And then I think my lifestyle maybe just got more active too. But I kind of went out on a limb thinking like is this going to be
weird to ask them instead to go on like a walking date or like grab coffee and walk or, you know, walk and then go out to breakfast or something like that or go for a hike and go to lunch? Like, could we pair this with something active just because I enjoy that I think it’s really fun to do things like that people. And I kind of got to like, I know, this isn’t super out of the comfort zone. I’m not talking about the, you know, a friend group I was just chatting about recently, I’m not going to invite them like, Hey, you guys all want to go on a super steep, difficult hike. Because clearly, if they are not really into being active, they’re probably going to say no, again, not to say you can’t offer extend the invitation. But they’re gonna get frustrated if all you’re bringing up his active stuff. Whereas if you know someone kind of did that stuff, and you just want to open the door, chances are, they will be excited about that too. This is something like I branch out in and other ways too, were things that interests me like taking a painting class or going rock climbing, like, these are things I love to do a with my husband, but then yes, those are great for date nights, but be with girlfriends as well. And that one’s a lot easier to pull off a lot of the time because you don’t need a babysitter. So if I want to even more specifically, like go on a specific hike or do something and I think like, oh man, we just had a sitter, like a week ago can’t afford that again, or something like, or I want to go with a friend and I Oh, I haven’t seen this friend in a while, like, I don’t want to just go out to dinner. Hey, so and so are you free? Do you want to go kayaking, and then go grab it or like, go kayaking and get ice cream after like, you can open that door, see what they say. Because a lot of times people are bound to do it just nobody wants to be the first one to suggest him we kind of fall into the ruts and the patterns that we’re used to doing and going out to eat and get drinks and things like that are more of like a normal thing and a standard thing to go to. Now, if you have nobody around you truly, that you know of that works out, maybe you’re newer to working out, and a healthy lifestyle. And you’re like Brittany, honestly, I’m racking my brain and nobody talks about this, anybody who does this in a negative way, like I’ve gotta go on a diet or whatever. And I really don’t think there’s anyone I could do this with maybe even like your spouse is not really on board right now. And that is difficult when you are trying to be the only person swimming upstream. And everybody around you is kind of letting this part of their lives slider isn’t a priority to them. Or, you know, sometimes it’s just like ignorant of what’s going on. I don’t mean that in a stupid way or a mean way. I mean truly, like, ignorant in like unaware of how they’re treating their bodies, things like that haven’t like come to, to haven’t been brought to light yet of like, oh, I should be taking care of my body. Now, in this kind of scenario.
Yes, still be the person that’s rockin their own routine. But it gets tiring. And it does get difficult without other influences to help us to motivate us to support us. You know?
Similarly, no, this is gonna be such a tangent. I’m sure I’m not gonna go on the tangent. There are probably things in your life. You can think about that with where you’ve been if you this is not your area that where you’ve been the only person or felt like the only person and then you discover somebody else that you’re like, Oh, yes. Okay, like I just needed that affirmation. I just needed to see that out there. So
if you know this is you that’s case, be thankful that we do live in such a connected world. And while it’s not optimal, to seek outside sources like that, you’re not actually having a face to face interaction with or not actually in person. Your influences your support, your motivation could still be things like podcasts, like reading books, like being in an online community seriously, like the chasing greatness group, or like, where we do live workouts together and you get a new monthly focus, like things that keep you in the game and keep you motivated. I’ve shared before that books are probably the things that have made the biggest impact on my overall life and mindset. People ask a lot about like, how did you get such like tough mentality and like a gritty kind of mentality? First of all, I have a long way to go on that. So I take it in stride, but I know that I’m not at all as mentally tough as a lot of people I know. And secondly, I didn’t even realize how much my mentality my perspective my mindset was changing. As I read books that were I read about people who had hurt experiences or who did difficult things and that kind of just brought me around to like wow, okay, people are out there killing it, like not settling for mediocrity and are stepping above to excel and like that is attractive. There’s a reason we’re attracted to that kind of thing to first of all, like, Yeah, some people might be intimidated by that in a friendship or even farther, like in a relationship or something. But I guess, you know, friendship is a real kind of relationship, but I mean, even like a romantic relationship, you don’t want to be competitive or any that kind of thing. But, you know, striving to be your best it’s gonna raise the people around you as well as long as you’re not obnoxious about it. So, again, if you don’t have those in person sources, try
Ready to connect with others who are doing that and it’s never been easier than it is today to do that. And this is from a person who I often think that I don’t really need community and like no I just really like I work well with my own play on my own thing my dad did a yes to a point and then I realized like, oh, yeah, okay, I need I do actually need other people we all do, we’re made for community. And it’s tiring sometimes to try to be doing it on your own and again, like demoralizing to feel like you’re the only one so those are my tips for you. Number one, you don’t have to have a million healthy friends you could be the healthy one and be the good influence but number two, if you want to open that door with people who you know are kind of active or like maybe you know, vaguely, you know this is a
big one for I think a lot of us as adult women like we have the friends we’ve had for a while or the friends we kind of know through this but sometimes we feel weird like bridging that gap like well, I’ve talked to that mom a few times a playgroup or Well I kind of know this person and if they happen to mention something active Are you happier they know you exercise or something like throw it out there to Hey, you want to go for a walk Saturday morning and catch up you know we can meet at whatever parclick it’s also less intimidating to meet somewhere in the middle then be like do you want to come over you know that’s that’s a whole nother level. So open that door Don’t be right over the door. And then lastly, if these in person things are probably not feasible to you and your thinking or like they do sound feasible if that’s awesome Brittany when I’m home with a newborn and a two year old My husband works crazy hours, seek out other support other community that is going to help you along this I hate journey. Word besides journey fill in the blank there are a lot of myths like long haul that is life and help you do it in a healthy way that keeps it fun and interesting. All right, ladies, thank you so much for happening today. And I checked back with me let me know if this worked. If you ask your friend to go for a hike or something like that, I would love to hear it. Or if you need anything my emails Brittany and healthy Catholic moms.com I did mention a couple of those resources you can head over to healthy Catholic moms.com and see what free resources I have. You can get a free macro download on the first homepage right away if you are at all interested in calculating your own macros and kind of seeing what that’s about. The chasing greatness group is a monthly workout group where we have a big ol Facebook group that we’re all in together we have live workouts at least once a month. Like I said new focuses little challenges that kind of thing all within the group and there is a two week free trial if you would like to hop in on that. Next time next episode we’re talking about tips for working more vegetables into your meal plan. So that’ll be a great one. I’m sure we all need that. Stay tuned. I hope you have a great rest of your day.

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